Are You Seeking Genuine Feedback or Validation?
Feedback means you are prepared to hear the good, the bad and the ugly in order to improve your writing. Validation means you need someone to affirm that you are a good writer and that your work has value.
For writers, getting feedback on their work is a vital part of improving the quality of their writing. It’s valuable to get an objective opinion on your structure, plot, pacing and characters. As a professional writer, I have experienced story experts in my agent, publisher and editor. But unpublished writers starting out don’t have access to those resources. There are great freelance editors who will be able to help you, but that service comes at a cost.
The first step is to build up a library of textbooks on the craft of writing.
I have some advice for new writers about how to get feedback on their work (so that even if at a later stage you do use the services of a professional freelance editor, your work will be in the best shape it can be so you are using your dollars to the best advantage).
The first step is to build up a library of textbooks on the craft of writing. This will allow you to give yourself feedback by checking that you haven’t fallen into common writing mistakes. Some good guides that I started out with are: The Fire in Fiction by Donald Maass; Solutions for Writers by Sol Stein; and Dynamic Characters by Nancy Kress. But there are many great guides out there, so do some browsing to see which titles appeal to you.
And yes, I still take courses in writing!
I also recommend you take classes in creative writing. There are so many of these available online now, so you don’t have to lose time in commuting to and from class. Although Covid 19 has been awful in so many ways, it did allow me to do a television writing course that I wouldn’t have been able to fit into my schedule if it hadn’t been offered online. And yes, I still take courses in writing! I’ve discovered that the more you think you know about writing, the more there is to learn!
Taking classes also allows you to make contact with people who will be able to give you feedback on your work. The great thing about the internet is that those people could be anywhere in the world, so your chance of finding the right people is greater. What do I mean by the ‘right’ people? Ideally the kinds of people you want to get feedback from are ones who are well-versed in the same genre in which you are writing. Science fiction fans are the best feedback partners for science fiction writers, romance writers can give more valuable feedback on the expectations of romance fiction than someone who writes crime fiction.
The larger the group, the more compelled people feel to make a comment just to have something to say.
I’m not a big fan of writing groups to get feedback. (Unless, of course, your writing group consists of professional writers, publishers and editors!). The danger of larger writing groups (more than three people) is that they have a tendency to lapse into social occasions of wine, cheese and conversation rather than serious feedback. I was once in a very large writing group and the problem I found with that was the number of conflicting opinions I was given. The larger the group, the more compelled people feel to make a comment just to have something to say.
It’s also important to know within yourself if you are seeking genuine feedback or whether what you really want is validation.
It will take some time, and some trial and error, to discover who can give you valuable feedback and who can’t. Be gracious and thank everyone who makes a sincere attempt, whether in the end, you found their feedback useful or not. You might be tempted to give your work to a friend or family member, but this approach is fraught with danger. You have to be sure that your friend is confident enough to give you honest feedback without the fear of offending you. You also need to be sure that you can listen to it, without getting into an argument with them.
It’s important that you don’t become addicted to validation from others.
It’s also important to know within yourself if you are seeking genuine feedback or whether what you really want is validation. Feedback means you are prepared to hear the good, the bad and the ugly in order to improve your writing. Validation means you need someone to affirm that you are a good writer and that your work has value.
Seeking validation from others is very human, especially at times in our lives when we feel lost or have been crushed by some setback. But it’s important that you don’t become addicted to validation from others and here’s why: You can’t expect it consistently, and if you do, you will be placing your sense of worth in the hands of others. It’s a good way to put yourself in the path of a narcissist or other manipulator.
As a published writer you are going to have to be tough.
Long before I was published, I had the privilege of meeting story expert, Linda Aronson. What she said to me has stayed with me all these years: ‘Anyone wanting to be a professional writer is going to need nerves of steel’. Writing is a joy, writing 120,000-word books takes stamina. Putting your work out there into the world means to a certain extent you are going to feel exposed. Some people will adore your writing, others will give you scathing 1-star reviews. No matter what a gooey soft-centred chocolate of a sensitive person you are inside, as a published writer you are going to have to be tough. When I was a book publicist over twenty years ago, I had to look after a lot of shipwreck authors who needed a great deal of hand-holding in order for me to put them on television, radio programs or even interviews with the local paper. On tour, some authors wanted me to be responsible for waking them up in the morning or ironing their shirts! The publishing industry has moved on. Publishers, agents and publicists don’t have time for those kinds of shenanigans any more.
So my advice to beginner writers is to train yourself for self-validation now before things get really tough. When you find yourself tempted to go looking for validation, do something else instead. Go for a walk in nature, do some exercise, listen to some great music, read a great book, or do some writing, until the urge passes. Then start to consciously validate yourself with your own self-talk. If you aren’t sure how to do this, then pick up a book by Louise Hay. She was an expert on positive affirmations.
Start to consciously validate yourself with your own self-talk.
Here is a story I hope will encourage you. When I first started out in my career there was a fellow writer whose work was … err … not particularly good. (No, I will never name names). You would not have picked them out as star material. At best they were kind of average. But what they did have was a lot of determination. They had such belief that sometimes I was left gobsmacked by their confidence because they weren’t producing the kind of writing that would back that kind of self-belief. But you know what? They worked, studied and sought feedback and listened to it. They endured bad reviews and rejection. But they improved and grew. They chased their dreams and never gave up. Guess what? They are now a hugely successful writer and the quality of their writing is phenomenal. Their popularity is highly deserved.
If you are lacking in confidence but have dreams of being a published writer, I want you to take the above story and make it your own.
I wish you all the best!
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