Dear Pebbles: Should I dress my cat as a Christmas Elf?
Pebbles the agony-uncle-cat of The Divine Feline has the answers.
Dear Pebbles,
Christmas is my favourite time of the year! I decorate my house with tinsel, drape fairy-lights over the trees in the garden, send out glittery cards, and count the days down on the advent calendar until the whole family arrives for feasting and movie marathons until late into the evening. But what should I do about my cat, Frisbee?
I’ve noticed a lot of people dress their cats up for Christmas on Instagram. I saw the most adorable elf outfit in just his size the other day.
But would Frisbee like it?
Christmas Enthusiast
Dear Christmas Enthusiast,
If you look at my picture you may notice that I am wearing a petite beret and collar. The hat is not my usual attire; I don it only when I’m writing my columns for humans. Do you remember your grandmother saying: ‘Put your thinking cap on, my dear.’? Well, I do exactly that with my beret. ‘Come on, Pebbleton Auden Thompson III,’ I say to myself, ‘Time to get your thinking beret on and explain the cat world to humans!’
The collar was a gift from Ms B. who attached a tag to it, inscribed with her telephone number in case I should ever wander out of an open window and find myself lost in the wild blue yonder, and need a kindly human to guide me back home. I wear it with pride as a symbol of her love, the same way ladies might wear an engagement ring.
But, Christmas Enthusiast, my beret and collar are an entirely different thing to dressing up an unsuspecting Frisbee as a Christmas elf, reindeer or even that old rascal, Santa Claus, himself. Frisbee will not enjoy you doing that and let me tell you why.
Unlike humans, cats have never lost the extreme responsiveness of all our senses. We smell things you cannot and hear things too faint for your ears to pick up. At the slightest inkling of danger, we can make our fur stand on end in order to make ourselves appear bigger and more frightening to a potential predator. The only advantage you have over us is your eyesight. You can see things right under your noses while we can’t. That’s why we need our whiskers. They help us sense objects up close and also allow us to pick up the slightest vibrations. If you cover Frisbee in an elaborate costume you will prevent him from being able to do any of that. This will make him extremely anxious. If you witnessed the few seconds after those Instagram photographs were taken, you would have seen distressed cats trying to shake those costumes off, or staring at the camera lens with defeat in their eyes: The costume making them feel as though they are in the clutches of a horrible monster.
Yes, some insensitive souls find the whole thing amusing. But it really is like one of those jokes made about someone’s weight, appearance, or romantic history, that hurts the subject of the joke but is often excused by the instigator with the declaration: ‘Oh, I’m only joking’. Fun is only fun when it is delightful for everyone involved. So ask yourself this, Christmas Enthusiast: Will dressing Frisbee as a Christmas elf be delightful for him?
Don’t do such an undignified thing to Frisbee. He has given you the greatest gift any feline can give a human: His trust. By all means decorate him with a festive sparkly cat collar (with a safety catch or elastic on it, in case in the merriment of Christmas he should entangle himself on the tree). Add your telephone number on a tag to it so, should he ever become lost, he can easily be returned to you. Wrap a new toy and treat for him and place them with the other presents under the tree. Let him play with the used wrapping paper on Christmas Day, and he will be one jolly feline.
Then go dress yourself as a giant Christmas elf to delight and amuse your family!
Merry Christmas!
Pebbles 🐾
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